Apparently Mushrooms can talk!!!!

So if you’re looking for someone to lend a sympathetic ear, try some fungi. Hey, if men can be women and women men, and Joe Biden can pretend to be president of the United States, maybe those toadstools that sprung up after last week’s rain will turn out to be marvelous conversationalists.

The study was conducted by Andrew Adamatzky, a computer science professor at the University of the West of England in Bristol. Adamatzky asserted that his team of researchers “found that the ‘fungal language’ exceeds the European languages in morphological complexity.”

Now, I’ve never in my life had a mushroom say a single word to me, either with morphological complexity or morphological simplicity. If you haven’t, either, even if you’ve ingested a few, there are nonetheless plenty of reasons to restrain your skepticism. The Post noted that Adamatzky based his study on an analysis of the “electrical impulses of four species of mushrooms: enoki, split gill, ghost and caterpillar fungus.” He did this by “inserting tiny electrodes into the dirt colonized by the mushroom’s hyphae — the threads that compose the organism’s roots, known as mycelium.”

Human communication can be recorded as a trading of electrical impulses, you see, and for some of us that’s a considerable improvement. In a similar way, Adamatzky “found that the electrical spikes often occurred in clusters, mirroring human vocabularies and employing up to 50 words.” He explained in his study, “We demonstrate that distributions of fungal word lengths match that of human languages.” Split gills are the most articulate of the chatty fungi: the study found that “split gills — a species that resides in rotting wood — generated the most complex ‘sentences’ of the four fungi.”

But what on earth do mushrooms have to talk about? Their favorite salads to land into? What they’ll say to the mashed potato? Whether they belong on burgers or not? What’s gotten into their psychedelic brethren? The examiners of mushroom conversation suggest that they “‘chat’ in order to make their presence known to other members of their cluster — much like wolves howling to alert the pack.” They could also be “trying to tip off fellow fungi, both to potential threats — such as the weather — as well as sources of sustenance.” There is more.