There’s an old saying in Afghanistan
that encapsulates the country’s views on divorce: “A woman only leaves
her father’s house in the white bridal clothes, and she can only return
in the white shrouds.”
In this deeply
conservative and patriarchal society, women who defy convention and seek
divorce are often disowned by their families and shunned by Afghan
society. Left alone, they have to fight for basic rights, such as
renting an apartment, which require the involvement or guarantees of
male relatives.
Despite the social stigma and barriers to independence, there are divorced women living in Afghanistan today. Women
like Roqia* and Tahira*, who divorced seven and eight years ago
respectively, and now share an apartment. Together, Roqia and Tahira
have weathered many storms and supported each other, united by their
similar experiences.
Both women were born as refugees in Iran. Roqia,
30, returned to Afghanistan in 2009 when the future of the country
seemed brighter and full of hope. “When I turned 20, my family married
me to a man we didn’t know very well. But it wasn’t a good match, and we
divorced seven years later,” she says.
Soon
after the separation, Roqia realised she was not just divorcing her
husband, but also her family and community. “I was rejected. I had
nothing and nowhere to go,” she says. “With my five-year-old son, I went
to my father, but he was on his deathbed. I had no other men in my life
to help me. My brother died a few years ago,” she says.
Men
and women in Roqia’s life distanced themselves from her. “My mother and
other relatives rejected me, saying that I had not heeded their advice
on the divorce. They were against it, so I no longer had a place in
their home,” she says.
